Friday, 7 September 2012

Please sir, no more!

I’ve just eaten my lunch (nothing unusual in that, I know – I’d eat lunch several times a day if I could).

I had a great big salad of lots of different leaves, griddled courgettes and toasted seeds with a vinaigrette dressing. It was very yum. It got me thinking, though, in a contrary sort of way, of the worst thing I’ve ever eaten.

When I was about 18 I was living in a bedsit. I wasn’t earning a lot, and what I did earn, after paying the rent, mostly ended up inside the pub’s till. Quite right, too, I was 18 after all.

Two days before payday one month, things were looking pretty desperate. Not only was there no money for the pub, but there was no money for food. I looked in what passed for a store cupboard in my bedsit. It contained some dried pasta, an onion and a bottle of brown sauce. I boiled some of the pasta and half of the onion. I drained it, plopped (this really is the right word, believe me) it on as plate, and topped it with a good drizzle of Daddies’ finest. It was honestly the most disgusting thing that I’ve ever eaten. And I’ve eaten at motorway service stations.

Do you know what the worst thing was? I spent all of the following day at work, with nothing to eat, knowing I had only that to look forward to again. It was so gross I almost didn’t bother, but hunger got to me in the end.

The following month, I didn’t learn my lesson. What I did learn though, was that my account allowed me to overdraw. It was Pot Noodles all the way.


I’ve released another short story this week. Holding Cells and Dragons is a short story featuring DC Dan Deanson. Dan has a problem when his friend, the one with the scaley tail, is suspected of a crime. He hopes he won’t have to arrest him. They don’t have cuffs big enough.

It’s available at Smashwords in formats for every ereader, and Amazon (UK), Amazon (DE), Amazon (FR), Amazon (US), Amazon (IT) and Amazon (ES) for Kindle.

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